I’m losing track of time now, I really am. Time has done that magical thing where it takes on a whole new form and both drags and flies in equal measure. Individual days can feel like a week as I just wait for the respite of the evening where I don’t have to work, I don’t have to parent and, after all jobs are done, I can quite simply flop on the sofa. But then I blink and it’s the weekend again and I find myself wondering where the week went. Which is why I find myself writing this latest updates three weeks after my last one. Because the time, well, just went.
I am learning to accept that moods will follow a rollercoaster like pattern during this strange time. I have periods where I feel really calm and in control only for the smallest thing to set me off. Week 4 of lockdown was fairly calm as it was the second week of “Easter Holidays”; there was no pressure to get school work done and being freed on that one extra pressure was enough to make life a little easier. But weeks 5 and 6 have almost gone the other way with the return of “home-schooling” alongside work. I have personally found this last fortnight the toughest. In no way wishing to downplay the severity of the overall situation, I’ve definitely had more “When will this end??!!” moments in the last 14 days.
That’s not to say life before this wasn’t challenging and tiring but honestly the feeling of responsibility to educate my child is a heavy one to bear whilst also trying to do my work well. It’s hard to not feel like I am doing a half-hearted job at both and I know I’m not alone in that. Sam is certainly sharing some of those feelings and after the school term started, we have both made a little more effort to track what we’re doing over the week. I created a visual tracker for us to tick-off activities done each day and Sam has been printing off the school activity list each Monday morning and dividing worksheets across the different days. In reality he does the bulk of the teaching work during his morning slot with the girls which is when Little H’s attention span is at its best. Like me, Sam and Little H are experiencing the same emotional fluctuations so if we all hit a low at the same time, it makes the day a bit volatile. It varies from day-to-day though how accommodating Little Z is of the school activities but she’s the only one who is merrily oblivious to all of the goings-on in the wider-world.
The weather has been a bit variable since Easter. There have been a lot more days, including all of last week, where it wasn’t so nice to just pop into the garden for a play. The girls definitely missed their outdoor time. Fortunately the conservatory has been warm enough most of the time though and being out there is wonderfully bright and revitalising. It also allows us to see the vibrancy of the garden which has really started to fill out as the weather warms. Hopefully in the coming couple of weeks I will get my delivery of plants that I ordered so I can fill out some of the gaps.
It’s not all been bad either. Sam celebrated his birthday in lockdown, which whilst a bit strange, meant he could legitimately have a relaxed and quiet day. He went for a ride, had a socially distanced brief visit from his family and spent nap-time enjoying ‘Frozen 2’ with Little H and I; not his personal choice of film but one that kept Little H fully engrossed so we all enjoyed a full two hours of relaxing on the sofa. Little H and I have also been baking weekly. I’ve also cut Little H’s hair with relative success. My monstera Thai Constellation is looking glorious at the moment. And the girls were very lucky to get a treat from Grandad Graham – a scooter upgrade for Little H and a brand new helmet for Little Z to go with her inherited scooter. Weekend walks got even more fun!