“It’ll be fine.”, “It’ll all be fine.”, “It’s going to be fine.”. These words are on repeat in my head right now. They are on repeat because the time has finally arrived – the end of my maternity leave. Next week Little Z starts her nursery settles. Then the following week she starts nursery full-time 3 days a week with her sister. Meanwhile, I go (*deep breath*) back to work.
Change is something I have struggled with my whole life. As I’ve grown up, it’s something I have actively learned to manage it and do it fairly well now. Change at work is no worry at all. Day-to-day change at home I can adapt and cope with for the most part. Change to our routine is easy enough on an ad hoc basis and tolerable for longer (as I well learnt from the Sam-broken-hand incident of 2017). But this change… Well this change is big. This change is a new person in our family who I have never left for more than a few hours her entire life. It’s going back to work after 13 months away from my job for the second time in 4 years. This change is not something my brain can easily process.
But as I regularly remind myself, I have done this before. Back then we adapted and found a new routine when Little H was born and I then went back to work. It was arguably far harder then as we’d never done nursery runs. I’d never done part time hours. I adjusted though and found renewed interest and challenged in my work, heightened by my limited hours. Sam and I got used to our pick-up and drop-off routines, splitting the responsibility between us. Most importantly, Little H developed a love of her nursery. Little Z is now so active and inquisitive now that I am as confident as I can be that she will ultimately thrive following in her sister’s footsteps.
It’s still all change though and I can’t help but be a bit anxious. We need to all lean and adjust to new roles, a new routine and new surroundings and that will cause some disruption to our family for a while. The first few weeks will be both physically and emotionally draining, especially for Little Z and I. We will get there though, I know we will. Despite knowing that, the anticipation lurks in the pit of my stomach making me question everything. And when it does, I just keep repeating to myself those words, reminding myself we will eventually be fine! Of course, in September Little H will start nursery and it will be all change again…