When Little H was small, she was a consistent one-feed-a-night lass from somewhere between 4 and 5 months. We also lived in a different house with space in our bedroom for the cot. So at about 4 months old, she graduated from the side-along crib to the cot at the end of the bed. Then after one incredibly noisy night where Little H was sound asleep but chuntering and grunting away to ensure we were wide awake, I declared it was time for her to get out. We hoiked the cot along to the spare room and that was that. With Little Z, it’s been quite different.
For starters she hit her 4 month “regression” and started feeding more again at night; a cheeky habit that still exists at almost 7 months. The cot also doesn’t fit in our bedroom in the home we’re in now. So she’s always just slept on the crib, right next to me. In fact, until we got back from our recent holiday, the side had always been dropped too so she was literally right by my side. But she no longer has the space she needs in the crib. Also, she’s getting more easily disturbed by Sam and I when we sneak in or move when she’s in light sleep. And noiser and disturbing us. So I’ve had to face the truth – it’s time for her to move.
It’s a weird feeling. I am overjoyed to have my bedside cabinet back and to be able to lay in bed with the light on before I go to sleep. But in gaining those things I also know that my days of having one of my babies sleeping next to me are over. It feels a little like she’s being pulled away from me again – growing up and becoming slightly separate. But when I think that I try and get myself in check – remind myself that she still needs me a lot and that the space at night will be (hopefully) good for us both. It helps knowing that moving Little H to her own room all those years back didn’t affect our bond. In fact, reading back on my blog posts from moving Little H, I had the same anxieties; and it makes sense because they are both my precious children.
Only time will tell how this move ultimately affects my sleep. I’m quite anxious about being up and down all night. I know long-term she needs to be in her own room and this feels as right a time as any other. The first few nights have been variable. She has done a few slightly longer stretches which give me hope but I can’t see a pattern yet. But it has also reminded me that whatever she’s doing I need to just start treating as normal rather than waiting for some miracle change. Plus, it does make me smile to go upstairs after bedtime and see my girls bedroom doors both close, side by side, with their name plates on them. It’s all about the little things to get me through these phases after all!