It’s been ages since I wrote a blog post. My mind has just been elsewhere and I have found parts of the last couple of weeks quite tough. One of the last times I wrote Little H had been unwell. She got over her fever and seemed to be recovered. But we sent her back to nursery and she struggled. She cried when I left for work, she cried when Sam dropped her at nursery. By day 2 she had basically not eaten and had spent the entire day being cuddled. So I took the Thursday off and kept her at home in the hope that 5 days with mummy would see her back to her normal self. What actually happened was a stint of separation anxiety – something she’s never really suffered from before. It was quite a shock.
Last week when I knew she was physically well again, we had to send her back to nursery. She cried when I said I was leaving to work. From what he told me, she cried and clung to Sam’s leg at drop off. I was worried about her non-stop the entire day for three days. I felt like such a bad mother. Yet I knew that it would be no better for her if I didn’t keep to the routine and simply support her in adjusting back. It was exhausting though. One evening as I was washing-up I felt the read desire to blog. Yet it was just a stream of unstructured conscious thought so I stopped myself because, well, who would want to read that?
For days I had this urge to get things off my chest but felt I couldn’t use my blog. Until I suddenly got myself into check and remembered: this is MY blog. I seemed to have lost sight of what my blog is about. I’ve ignored all of the advice I have given to others in ‘what advice would you you give a new blogger?’-type posts I’ve written. To quote myself: “…decide what your blog means to you and stay true to that.”. So here I am – writing a waffle post!
This week has fortunately been better. I was expecting Little H to continue to be a bit sad on nursery days but she’s surprised us both by doing nothing more than giving some surly looks on Tuesday morning! It’s astonished me how much my mood improves when she’s happy! Which I also needed because since Friday, Little H has abandoned a proper nap time. Friday she just didn’t want to go upstairs so on Saturday and Sunday we didn’t force it and she made it through the day. She conked out bang on 7pm every night…as did I. Goodness it’s shattering looking after a toddler without a break! On Monday she woke earlier and clearly wasn’t going to make it through. So when she asked to sit on my knee watching ‘Toy Story 2’ and fell asleep, I wasn’t surprised! The remote was on the other side of the sofa so when the film ended, I even had a cheeky snooze myself. I suppose there aren’t many occasions where she’ll nap on my anymore so the sweaty t-shirt patch she left on me was certainly worth it. I just hope she doesn’t do it too often…
In reality I think that when I lost my ‘blogging mojo‘ a couple of months ago, it was sign that the balance wasn’t right anymore. I really love writing and sharing posts. But it got to the stage where it felt like a burden. I am an incredibly structured and goal driven person so beat myself up if I miss a monthly installment of one of my feature posts. But really – who cares? Who will notice? The only thing I absolutely will continue with is ‘What Little H did’ because, well I would assume that’s obvious.
So I suspect from now on, for the time being at least, I will post less. I will join linkys less. I will probably, as a result, get a lot fewer (or even no) comments. But it doesn’t matter. This blog is mine and right now, I just need it to be a place to clear my head!
And on that note it’s time for a shower and the a cuppa and a muffin in front of the telly. Cheerio!