Being a Mum is one of the most awesome parts of my life. I am immensely proud that I get to be my daughter’s mother. It’s a role that makes me happy every single day, although to say it makes me happy every single minute of every single day would certainly be a LIE! But I look forward to seeing H every morning; I can’t wait to see her at the end of every work day. She is without a doubt the most important thing in my life along with Sam and is a core part of my being. Yet there are still times where I can’t quite believe I’m a mother; I have a child!
After the 9 months I spent growing H and the 15 months she’s been born, she’s part of me; She’s never far from my thoughts. I can’t and won’t dispute that I am both physically and emotionally a parent. But there is a small part of me that is still surprised; I suppose it’s the same part of me that can’t believe I’m married, in my 30’s, with a ‘proper’ job and a mortgage. Life just flies by and you go with it, things happening around you. It makes me wonder if there will always be a little part of me that doesn’t feel like a Mum, simply because there was part of my life when it was just me.
I never dwell too much on these fleeting thoughts though. I like to reflect on the past, not least because it’s what brought me where I am – the life I have – today; But everything has it’s time and I don’t for more than a second ever wish myself back. Of course that’s hard in some ways because the past is where I was last with my Mum. But that terrible loss has always reminded me to embrace the moment and live in the here-and-now. So whilst every now and then I can’t believe I’m a mother, other parts of me have known my whole life that it’s something I was always meant to be. So I’m going to try and do the best job I can!