I’m taking my blog back to where it started with this one – a post which is just a stream of conscious thought rather than something I read and check. There won’t be any photos or links. I just need to brain dump and do it quickly because I’m shattered and I want to go to bed. And feeling tired is the reason I need to write. Because as we approach 5 months into this dual parenting malarkey, I’m now really feeling the fatigue.
I don’t want to complain too much. Little Z has been a reasonably good sleeper her whole life. She hasn’t slept long stretches (no through the night here that’s for sure, but then Little H didn’t do that until well past 7 months and even then it wasn’t consistent for AGES) but she has generally settled easy, woken smiley and not disturbed me with huffs and grunts as she slept (Little H did a LOT!). But she hit 4 months and her sleep changed. She started to wake more. Then the temperature increased so she woke more every night. Then throw in the heat meaning my milk supply wasn’t so good and before you know it we were up to THREE feeds per night again.
I’ve spent the last week making sure I drink plenty and then drink a little more. I’ve been almost force-feeding myself to ensure I’m not hungry. And I’ve been making sure Little Z is as cool as possible so she is less likely to wake-up. We’re almost back to 1 nightly wake again (2 if you could the 5am-ish feed, but that’s verging on get-up time so…). But the after effects are still there.
And it’s not like the first time I went through mothering a 5 month old. Back when Little H was a baby it was possible to veg out on the sofa whenever she napped. The usual Sam & Angela mess was there with a bit of baby disruption on top but it was nothing significant. Now Little H is a big, noisy, messing and demanding 3.5 year old. When Little Z naps we have to do colouring. Or play with her Sylvanians. Or do baking. Or if she decides she’s ‘tired’ then she’ll flop in front of a film leaving me time to tidy up the stream of crumbs. Or put more washing on. Or ferry to-and-from the kitchen with snacks and drinks to keep her functioning.
Oh and then chuck in the RIDICULOUS heat which I am not designed to live in. When it got this hot when I lived in Granada I hibernated 12 noon – 6pm in our dark and cool flat, lived on sliced gouda cheese and then went out for Fanta Limon in the evening.
So in summary, I’m not sleep deprived. But goodness I am tired. Really tired. And I’m not sure when it will pass. The heat is due to break tomorrow. That might help. Little Z will start weaning fairly soon so maybe that will fill her belly. Or maybe I’ll just eventually declare ‘sod the crumbs’ and lay on the sofa during her nap. But luckily through this I have my two smiley girls to keep me sane. And those middle of the night Little Z snuggles will not last for long so I’m trying to enjoy them whilst they last!
Ramble over. I’m going to bed.