The Baby – Mummy Charter

I, the Baby, am entitled to

1. Request food from Mummy at any moment of the day;
    
2. Refuse said food if it isn’t exactly what I want at that point in time in one or more of the following ways:
   1. Throwing it on the floor, at the wall or at Mummy;
   2. Screaming, shouting or crying;
   3. Smashing the food to a pulp with both hands.
3. Take complete and utter offence, and be permitted to cry, kick and punch, when Mummy puts me through any of the following violations:
   1. Changing my nappy;
   2. Undressing me;
   3. Putting me in clean clothes;
   4. Taking away tubes of cream I was playing with because I put them in my mouth when they are apparently “dangerous”.
       
4. Being transported around in one of the following ways at any given time, with an immediate change should a deem it necessary regardless of time or location:
   1. Buggy;
   2. Mummy’s arm
   3. Mummy’s shoulder;
   4. My own feet with Mummy’s hand(s) being held at any angle of my choosing.
       
5. Make it very clear when I am in need of sleep by screaming, shout or crying;
    
6. Having demanded a sleep, decide I have more energy than I realised and play in my cot, sit-up and stand-up as I see fit for as long as I like instead of sleeping;
    
7. Throw my toys out of my cot and for it to be accepted as Mummy’s fault that I can’t reach them to get them back myself;
    
8. Move around the house as freely as I like and do the following:
   1. Open any cupboard doors or drawers that take my fancy;
   2. Investigate the contents of any bags left within my reach;
   3. Get hold of any electrical gadgets left unattended;
   4. Explore any areas of the house that I am told I shouldn’t be going in to because they are “dangerous”. (But are obviously really full of hidden secret toys and snacks that Mummy & Daddy don’t want to share.)
       
9. Do anything else I fancy at any point.

You, the Mummy, are entitled to

1. Uphold the Baby Charter;
    
2. Feel happy about it.