I’m massively tempting fate by committing these words to digital ‘paper’ but as much as I miss sleeping soundly through the night I have a confession to make…[in a whisper] I sort of like the nights where H needs me. I’ll be clear at this point; I do not mean those nights where I get woken up every 10 minutes from the moment I first lay my head on my pillow through until the birds decide it’s time to get up (which isn’t that early in the winter!). Those nights never have and never will hold any fondness in my heart but rather induce a slight shiver down my spine when I recall them. No the nights I am referring to are those where she just needs a drink, a bit of bojela or even a little cuddle. Now those nights sometimes tire me, but I don’t really mind.
When H was born, she needed me 24/7 pretty much. But every day older she gets, she needs me less for the superficial day-to-day tasks. She plays on her own, she will feed herself (unless she can’t be bothered) and when she goes down to sleep she wants to be left alone. So on those nights when she can’t settle herself back down, has some water and then lays her head down on my shoulder – her arms round my neck – it makes me think of when she was tiny. It reminds me that whilst I think she’s grown up so much, she’s still a baby and that when things aren’t quite right she still needs her Mummy to make her feel happy and settled again. I’m well aware that it won’t be like that forever. So whilst she does still want me for a brief bit of comfort overnight my instinct tells me to just enjoy and embrace it because, before I know it, these moments be gone forever.
(Those eternal, sleepless nights where you wonder if you’ll ever sleep again…well they can take a hike!)