I am suffering from a quite severe and long-running affliction. “What is it?” I hear you wonder. Well I shall tell you…it’s guilt. Yes, guilt. And it’s just a little feeling of unease or regret that I suffer from; It’s the kind of guilt which eats away at me and makes me question my decisions throughout every day.
- I feel guilt for leaving H at nursery, guilt for not playing with her enough when she’s at home and for not always managing to take her for a proper walk every day.
- I feel guilt for not cleaning the house enough, for leaving piles of things on the chair in the lounge and for having not yet unpacked the last few remaining removal boxes.
- I feel guilt for not exercising as much as I feel I should, not cooking more exciting and varied things for dinner and for enjoying the occasional take-away or ready meal despite not exercising enough.
- I feel guilt for going to work and leaving H, for not being available in the office more than 3 days and for having to leave bang on 4pm to get my train.
But it needs to stop. I know I’m not alone in feeling often crippling guilt. But we need to start asking ourselves why we feel guilty. If it’s guilt coming from the expectations of others then learn to ignoren it – your life is your life and doesn’t need to be lived based on the rules and views of others. If it’s guilt from within then either make a change in life or face your inner demon and accept you can’t do what you wish you could.
Life needs to be viewed as a whole and whilst one may not do as much as one feels they should in a particular area of their life, it’s usually to make space for something in another. Even before having H life was busy and now we have a whole extra small person to care for and tidy-up after. The most important thing is that she, Sam and I are happy and healthy. That means spending time together but also having our own time. It means working but knowing how to switch off and enjoy some relaxation and play. It means trying to stay healthy but not needing to be ‘super’ fit. It means eating healthily, even if the meals are simple, but enjoying a cheeky treat at the end of a hectic week.
So with that I’m going to go and warm some plates for the chinese Sam has just gone to collect!